It's been 10 years since I've wiggled my toes in the sand in Puerto Vallarta. I was there on a cruise a few years ago but didn't get off the ship to visit. PV is not one of my favorite places. This would be my third time staying here; third time a charm? 🤞 Also, my first trip to PV was in June and I swore I'd NEVER go back in that month because of the heat/humidity but here I am (I've learned to never say never)... Below, the picture is from the RIU website. I read enough reviews to know that food would taste average but be plentiful, the alcohol is NOT top-shelf and the hotel needed a good refurb. Almost like most all-inclusives I've stayed at...
I booked this last minute. Lately I tend to talk myself out of doing anything on a "whim" but I went ahead and booked 12 days before departure. It was a good price; being solo (higher rates), air, transfers, full insurance and tax came out to $1315 CAD. My amazing son insisted he buy the trip for me as I had been waffling on it and he wanted me to go enjoy myself. So, I let him 💜. I spent $500 CAD in MXN pesos for tips and I had another $110 CAD leftover in pesos from my last trip as well. Now this was on my least favorite airline, Sunwing, but if it cancelled, oh well, I'd go somewhere else...I also noticed they increased their luggage weight to 50 lbs which was good for me! This trip was solely for me to practice my social skills as I'm a changed person after covid and it's been a slow uphill climb (one step forward, two steps back) coming out of it. 😔
Sunday, June 11, 2023:
Flight was early, 8:45am and I was expected to be at the airport for 5:45am. I made it by 6 am and it was plenty of time as I was already checked in and just had to bag drop.
Flight was full and I was sandwiched in between two families with babies. I was able to tune it out with my audio book/music/headphones. I think I even nodded off because when I woke up the lady sitting beside me told me they dropped off a customs form we had to fill out. There was one drink service and I ordered a "Caesar". The flight attendant asked if I wanted two as there was only one service so I said sure. This was a hidden bonus as they never charged me for the two vodkas! Poor guy at the end paid $5 for a teeny container of Quaker oatmeal, lol. We arrived a half hour early so 2pm or 3pm local time.
I didn't have to do the green/red light through customs. They just opened a new line and had us scan our luggage and then I was on my way. The Sunwing rep was outside and got me to our air-conditioned bus that was also full but at least it was only for our hotel. The ride was a half hour away and I was blown away when we arrived at how large it was! This was definitely the biggest all-inclusive I've stayed in (well, that I remember anyway, haha). It was gorgeous.
I checked in quickly and took my own luggage up to room 4128 but the key didn't work. This wasn't good as it was a looong haul from the elevators and I had to pee now! I tried my key card at room 4127 and it worked. So I tinkled and then called the front desk. They told me they'd send someone up with a new key for 4128 so I waited outside. Someone came up quickly and my new key worked. I felt bad for peeing in someone else's room, but at least it was not checked in by anyone yet. 🤨
Speaking of the weather, it wasn't too bad at all. Humid yes, but not unbearably so. I unpacked and then made my way down for dinner. I looked around and found the buffet and Mexican restaurant. I decided I'd try the Mexican which opened at 6:30. I wondered why it was open at 5:30? I realized later that I was using my watch which was an hour behind, lol. Below, I enjoyed the tortilla soup.
I found my way to an outside bar and ordered champagne. It was drinkable, with ice added.
Bar wasn't busy so I talked with bartender Victor who was learning English in school. I asked him where to go for "Birria" tacos in Bucerias and then him and another worker told me about a place that was only open on Saturdays but had the true locals experience. I asked how I could do this and Matteo(?) said he'd arrange it for me with Uber drivers and that Victor could go too, if I wanted. I agreed and said I'd set it up later in the week. They told me to look for them around the resort any day after 5pm as they rotated work stations. After I was done it was about 8:30 my time, I went back to the room. I ended up falling asleep till morning as I was beat. Travel days are always hard.
Monday, June 12, 2023:
I awoke feeling rested but looked in the mirror and felt 100 years old! My plan for this morning was to have breakfast, book my transfers back to the airport and then walk the beach to get my exercise.
I was eyeing those pools yesterday and they were not desirable to me at all with the swim up bar patrons that never moved, lol.
Breakfast was plentiful and I tried not to over indulge as I would have lunch after my walk. I saw they had Spanish Tortilla, one of my favorite eats, but it was dry and boring unfortunately. The fresh scrambled eggs were good and was fine with a tortilla, salsa and a couple sausages. They don't have champagne at the breakfast buffet but do have premade mimosas. When finished, I booked my transport back (which was really just tour sales) and I headed out to the beach stopping first to grab a champagne-to-go on ice. Below is the RIU's outdoor massage tables.
I was soaked from the humidity after an hour but completed my 10,000 steps which felt good. I remembered those horseback rides from my first trip in 2004 and saw they still do them.
While I was walking the beach I got the usual sales pitches from the vendors as I passed by. One gentleman tried his spiel and I declined. Then he asked if I wanted a Mexican boyfriend instead? I just continued on my way but did chuckle.
As I stopped at an empty pool lounger to change to my sandals I overhead a man yelling at his family. He unkindly barked that he would not consider an outing, not Bucerias, not anything. The mom, son and daughter were beet red in the face as he continued to yell. He told them to enjoy the god damn resort as it was the only the place they were going to see and to shut up and leave him alone. He then stormed off and they trailed behind him. Just yuck and made me happy I was alone at that moment.
I went to the A/C sports bar and cooled down before going to my room to get ready for lunch. Most bars had champagne so I drank it iced. I had the RIU app and it told me which restaurants/bars were open in real time so that was handy.
I drank a LOT today. By the time the outdoor dinner bar opened up I was feeling no pain. I did shots with a lot of girls there and ended up having dinner with a lady from El Paso, Texas talking drunk covid & politics, lol. Never a good idea... Some gorgeous, young latino guy kept waving at me from across the bar and blowing me kisses. Victor the bartender said he was probably looking for a sugar mama.
I watched the very 80's Michael Jackson show and then went to the room and passed out cold! All I remember about dinner is that I ordered lasagna. I have no idea if it was good or not though I remember thinking it was dry...I see I even took a picture!
Tuesday, June 13, 2023:
I awoke feeling like sh*t. At 9am, I finally managed to make my way to breakfast. Nothing looked or tasted good and I forced myself to put some food in. The scrambled eggs that seemed so good yesterday were abominable today. It seemed so busy and LOUD and I was not feeling it at all. I hid in the sports bar and drank Bailey's coffee until it was time to get my booked hair appointment at the SPA. It was $72 CAD and I tipped her 20% in pesos (200). I went back to the sports bar with the A/C as it was so HOT today, humid ugly. I think everyone else agreed as the place was packed! I managed to get a couple iced champagnes down and then it was lunch time. I didn't do well again and everything looked and tasted horrible. I ate a bunless burger with cheese and then I went to my room to nap. I got awoken by the door coming open and it was the liquor mini-bar guy. He didn't refill anything, just looked at the fridge and left.
I typed the report and chillaxed until it was time for dinner. I ended up chatting with people at the bar before dinner and decided martinis were a good idea. NOT. I went to the Asian place which also had Indian food. The lamb jogan rosh was enjoyable & a nice kick to it, nothing else was worth mentioning that I tried.
I went back to the usual bars by the stage but didn't see Victor. I really enjoyed the show tonight, it spanned all decades and I got a great screen shot of good looking Mickey Rourke from "9 & 1/2 Weeks" days while they did Joe Cocker's "You can leave your hat on". Anyway, everyone at the bar was lit and having a fun time singing and dancing, including myself. I started chatting with a couple from Dallas and we spent the whole evening laughing it up. Victor came by to say hi and we set the time for 10am on Saturday to meet. At 12:30am I ran off like Cinderella. They were calling after me asking where I was going and I told them to meet me back at the bar at 6pm tomorrow. I had way, way, waaaaay too much to drink tonight. UGH and THUD to the bed. Down I went...
Wednesday, June 14, 2023:
I've been too hungover to walk these last couple of days so that's been a bummer. I felt so horrible today, and again had to force myself a couple bites of breakfast (a hash brown with a spoon of refried beans on it and 2 pieces of bacon. One cube of cantaloupe and one of honeydew melon) before they closed. I slept late and didn't get out of the room until the maid knocked at 11:30am. I walked to sit at the beach but then some ant or something bit me and that turned me off. I'm scratching the hell out of it as I type this. 😒 I sat and people watched at the pool for a bit.
I ended up back at the sports bar and managed to get two champagne's down to see if I could feel human again? Nope, maybe some bad food? I ate a microwaved hot dog there for lunch with fake nacho cheese sauce & ketchup! 🌭 Then I went back to my room and took a nap. I felt so awful, I can't even begin to describe it and I noticed in the shower that I was bruised all over the place, must have banged on and off those bar stools a few times, or maybe walls, who knows?...
I got ready for 6pm and found the Mexican "flaming" coffees 🔥 set up outside the lounge (above) so I stopped for one and briefly chatted with Mr. Dallas from last night. There was a sax player doing his thing too to Frank Sinatra's "My Way":
I decided I'd try the buffet tonight as I saw they had pork ribs and oxtail soup. I never found the soup but the ribs were okay and the food I ate was fresh, hot and actually good. After that I was pretty much done, I went to the sports bar and grabbed a champagne to go. I retired in my room watching Netflix "Jewish Matchmaker".
Thursday, June 15, 2023:
I left my room about 9am and was ready to walk the beach after breakfast. I remember talking to a lady yesterday about the food and she said she made BLT's for breakfast That's what I wanted to do. Alas, they had no bacon so I improvised (sliced ham) but it was good and hit the spot. I decided I was going to get reflexology on my feet at the pink tent I saw on the beach the other day. The guy gave me his card and said $20 USD for an hour massage. Well...the guy I talked to today ended up being from "Villa Del Palmar - Flamingos" and talked me into a vacation presentation. Swore up and down it wasn't a timeshare, only for word of mouth; getting friends/family to look at it and promised me a massage, facial & reflexology session at the pink tent. I should have known...
There is quite the sales procedure going on there. Beach guy drops me off, but prequalifies me asking if I have credit card and ID, and that no husband is with me or he has to be there. Then first associate (Miguel, who I genuinely liked) comes by with more prequalifying questions, and takes me to breakfast. I don't eat so neither does he. I don't even look at the food though he wanted me to. We tour the resort, below was the view shot from the display unit.
Then into the pressure room where I get assigned another lady to hard sell me. There is clapping/bell ringing every few minutes as they say sales have been made but I think those people were just "plants" in the room. When I said that to the lady, she laughed very uncomfortably. 😉 Anyway, after a VERY LONG hard core sell where the price drops to half and in Canadian dollars, I say no and am escorted down by my first guy who says he'll drop me off to collect my "prizes".
But NO: enter "The Closer", final sales pressure; this time they drill it down to a "trial membership". Relentless he (Eddie) was and I was so worn down and tired that I accepted.
$4000 CAD (billed $2995 USD) for a 3 year trial, 6 weeks vacation and 1 free week in Mexico. I signed that all up and then got my gifts. I stopped for my reflexology but honestly, just felt sick to my stomach and didn't enjoy it all.
When I got back to my room, I read it all over and then saw a line that said I could cancel within 5 days, penalty free at the place I purchased it.
I messaged the sales guy and this is what I received, below:
...so I was expecting the hard sell again tomorrow. I barely ate dinner, barely slept...I messaged my friend to share my woes and she said only "I" could find a way to be stressed out on vacation...😆
Friday, June 16, 2023:
I woke up at 7am and couldn't get back to sleep. I showered and left walking the beach back to the Timeshare resort. I ended up there about 9am. I went straight to the manager and she told me Eddie would be in at 10 to see me. I told her I didn't want the pitch again and that I was done. I handed her my written letter and she signed it saying received and the date, then sent me an email saying I could expect my refund back in 7 - 15 business days. I wouldn't leave till I actually received the email so had to work out the WiFi with her. Eddie showed up but she told him to forget it and with that, it was over. Hopefully it's over... (as I type this now, 3 days later, there are TWO charges for it on my credit card now and no refund...)
I decided not to even go get my free massage and facial that was booked for today. Instead, I got a taxi ($140 pesos or $11 CAD) and headed to Bucerias to hopefully find some Birria! I found the place I wanted to go to but it was closed.
It was so hot walking around there in town that I had to stop to get out of the sun. A place called Miguel Angel by the beach invited me in and got me a fan. They had a parrot out there with them and he told me the parrot said to tell me they were open now to serve me some food, lol. The owner was charming as can be and I ordered a Pacifico beer.
He said he could make something similar to birria, so I told him to go ahead. It ended up being beef tips in a red sauce, and it was okay to eat, not great. It came with corn tortillas.
Unfortunately I haven't eaten any "great" food yet but I wasn't expecting to so not a surprise. I sat for a while then they called a taxi for me and I went back to the resort.
I made my way to the sports bar and chatted with the bartender for a couple drinks. She was there every day and today was the first day we had a conversation as it was really slow in there, which was nice. I was done with the trip at this point. There was a big "White Party" this evening and I just wanted to ignore it. I was ready to go home.
I came back to the sports bar for a pre-dinner drink and it was packed. But the worst part was when this group of 6 young guys come in, and one has a ghetto blaster around his neck and is blaring music at the loudest volume setting. One bartender asked them to turn it off but they ignored her and worst of all, they sat beside me! They each ate 2 hotdogs and then finally left. The bartender and I rolled our eyes and shook our heads at each other. That sports bar is open 24 hours and I got told earlier how ugly it got in there after the disco closed... I can only imagine. I had someone banging and trying to get in my door last night and my phone didn't work to call the front desk. Finally he went away but was yelling and banging for a while and that was only at midnight.
I snuck into the buffet for an early dinner. Everyone at the resort was all wearing white so I stood out like a sore thumb. Roast turkey was the special but it went back to the kitchen because it was raw, so I just had nibbles and then went up to my room before the party started. All the kids were lined up getting their faces bejeweled with white diamonds, white paint, etc. They had been decorating all day with white streamers, etc. and I understand they even invite the guests from the Riu next door over for it. NO THANK YOU, lol.
I chatted with my son who attended his grandpa's funeral today and felt bad I wasn't there for him. I put "Black Mirror" on Netflix and settled in for the night.
Saturday, June 17, 2023:
I had a good sleep for a change. Got in the shower and went to the sports bar for a champagne on ice and then a Spanish coffee. The coffee was really good here and they made a damn fine drink.
I walked to the security gate at 10am to see if Victor would be there but I doubted it since I hadn't gone to his bars for three nights now. A taxi pulled up and a lady who spoke English asked me if I wanted a ride? I told her I had to wait till 10 but if no one showed up and she knew a good birria place I'd love to go with her. At 9:59 she said she got another fare, so I said I'd go then if she'd take me. She told me she had birria for breakfast and goes to the same place at least 3 times a week or more as it's so good. She said tourists wouldn't know this place. I was so excited! Round trip she quoted me $260 pesos ($20 CAD) and then whatever I wanted to give her for waiting.
With a soda she ordered it came to $120 pesos ($10 CAD). And OMFG, it was soooo delicious! I got extra consommé because it was so good. She drove me back to my hotel and asked me if I wanted it for breakfast before I left tomorrow? I told her I'd never say no. She said she'd message me then and we exchanged info. As birria was the only thing I wanted to try in PV, fate worked in my favor today, for sure. This was the best part of my trip so far! I gave her $500 pesos for the outing ($39 CAD and worth every penny). P.S. I asked her why birria was a breakfast food there when it's heavy and seems like a dinner meal (beef dip on tortillas). She said it's perfect for hangovers, haha. 😜🥂
Back at the resort I ran into one of the ladies (BLT gal) I met the other night and sat at the beach with her for the day, gabbing and drinking a little. We had nibbles (veggies) at the Steakhouse which was also open for lunch and sits right on the beach. I never ended up eating dinner there.
We agreed to meet that evening at the outdoor bar at my "old usual time - 6pm". She even said she had looked for me there but of course I was hiding for a couple days. She was also from Vancouver, the same age as me and on the same flight home though she was with her son and his girlfriend. Our stories were similar in that we drank a lot the first few days and now had reeled it in and were "behaving". She said the "White Party" had been like a mosh pit, they bussed people in from the other RIU hotels and said it was insanity. She said they removed all the seating and it was just stand and jump up and down to the music, lol. She said the outdoor bars were tumultuously busy and they added some portable ones as well, but zero seating anywhere. They stayed in their rooms too but had watched from afar for a bit...anyway, I'm glad I missed it. Below is the bar/stage area before it opens:
I freshened up and went to the bar about 6-ish. I went to the Italian place for salmon and she sat in the lounge bar. The salmon came with a dill cream sauce and was quite appetizing. No complaints at all.
I found my friend in the lounge after. We wandered all over but she wanted to find a cigarette, so we headed to the smoking area. No one was there but lo & behold, a pack was on the ground in front of us and it was half full. She said she didn't have a light. I told her to go to the front desk as they had matches. I guess I saw it before because I have no idea how I knew that??? We went outside so she could smoke and the sunset was beautiful!
Before she even finished her cigarette, I realized I was being eaten alive and I had no bug spray on! I suddenly started scratching EVERYWHERE and couldn't believe it. I had to go to my room and take an antihistamine and also buy cream for bug bites which costed $20 CAD at the hotel! My face welted up and I felt horrible. I couldn't go back out after that, so just retired in the room though she wanted me to go watch the "Mexican" show with her.
Sunday, June 18, 2023:
I woke early and showered, packed and was ready to go. The face welts had subsided but my legs and arms were covered in bites still. WOW! I have never had that happen before, I am still scratchy and itchy and feel as though I'm finding new bites a day later.
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